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People have been straggling back in here all day, after as many as three full days away from the office for some of them. Ridiculous, obviously. Christmas right on top of New Years means it ends up being a couple of weeks when hardly any work gets done and everyone is unfortunately cheerful. The big news here is the cell phone video of the weekend's hanging that's being passed around the firm and shared over e-mail. We tried to keep the hanging a secret, because we didn't want word to get out that we're executing our lowest-performing associate of the year, but someone snuck in and taped it and now it's a real mess. I was on the Rope Subcommittee and ended up giving an associate about 40 hours of work researching how much slack we had to leave in the rope and how far we needed to let the associate drop such that he wouldn't slowly strangle to death but also wouldn't get decapitated. We did the decapitation thing last year but it ends up being a real mess, even more than you'd imagine. We've all seen medical textbooks but until you have to clean up after a decapitation (and of course I didn't -- but my secretary told me all about it) you don't know what it's really like inside a person's neck.

The other news, of course, is President Ford's death at the age of 93. Another data point that being President isn't nearly as taxing as a job like this, where no one really tends to live past 70 or 72. I was in junior high and high school when Ford was in office, and I remember agreeing very much with his pardon of Nixon at the time. Nixon's "crimes" just didn't seem so terrible. We've done worse. In fact, I'm doing worse right now. I can't really share any more details about it.

All kidding aside, I do want to wish you all a happy new year, filled with inattentive clients and easily-misled judges. In celebration of a brand new year, I'm planning to return to a 5-posts-per-week schedule. Your long blog-reading nightmare is finally over. I hope to make amends for the relative neglect over here for the past few months. So tell your friends, colleagues, and clients: new posts every day. Now get back to work: the billable counter's back at zero and you have a lot of ground to make up from yesterday.

Attorney in America

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